Film Review - The Exorcism
Russell Crowe looks half asleep in a woeful metatextual possession drama from director Joshua John Miller
Every so often, I see a film that reminds me why I fell in love with cinema. These magical, captivating, immersive movies are euphoric like nothing else. I leave the screen on cloud nine, having laughed, wept, or been provoked to thought, rage, terror, rapt admiration, or sheer exhilaration.
The Exorcism is not one of those films. Rather, it is the kind of artless sludge that could cause some to abandon all hope for the future of the cinematic medium. It is a harbinger of doom; a cinematic false prophet threatening the end, specifically of the possession horror subgenre, and more generally of all that is creative and enlightening. What was once brilliant in The Exorcist (1973) has been chewed, spat out, and vomited upon by this wretched, utterly pestilential addition to the woeful recent canon of possession films that have splattered themselves across our multiplexes like diarrhoea. If you thought last year’s The Nun II or The Exorcist: Believer were bad, The Exorcism elevates execrable into an art form.
You’d be forgiven for confusing this with last year’s utterly demented but at least mildly entertaining The Pope’s Exorcist, as it also starred Russell Crowe. Don’t. There is no connective tissue between the two, except to call into question the dismal judgement of our lead actor. Apparently, this film shut down production during Covid. Perhaps Crowe hoped it would not be picked up again. Alas, it was, but at least it was headed straight to streaming ignominy. No, wait, it’s in cinemas, which means I’m obliged to endure it and report back.
The plot involves a remake of The Exorcist in all but name entitled “The Georgetown Project”. Crowe plays Anthony Miller, a recovering alcoholic actor estranged from his teenage daughter Lee (Ryan Simpkins). The latter has just been suspended from Catholic school (for protesting the sacking of a lesbian counsellor — hardly surprising since Lee is also a lesbian). Anyway, Anthony takes on the role of the priest in the film, but there are rumours the set is cursed due to a previous actor snuffing it after taking the role. No surprises for guessing which way the metatextual plot is headed, but boy oh boy, does it head there in the most boring, undramatic manner possible, with every tired trope of the genre wheeled out of retirement for us to yawn at.
Even setting to one side the lunatic levels of derivative, what makes this such a plodding bore is how director Joshua John Miller mistakes murkiness for scariness. I spent the entire film squinting at the sheer dimness, trying to locate something onscreen to find frightening. It is ironic how characters complain about rubbish dialogue when this features plenty of screenwriting lead. The entire thing feels tired, as though it simply cannot be bothered. Ryan Simpkins tries her best to inject fear and compassion into her performance, but Russell Crowe often looks half asleep. I can’t say I blame him, as I found it hard not to nod off.
I’m scrabbling to say something positive in the interests of fairness, so I’ll add that David Hyde Pierce acquits himself well as Father Conor, the on-set spiritual advisor. I’ll also concede that Adam Goldberg proves effective in scenes featuring his unpleasant film director. For instance, the way he carelessly discusses how bad Anthony’s performance is in front of Lee (who is working on the film as a production assistant) is believably insensitive.
Nonetheless, I felt so embarrassed by this film that when the credits rolled, I almost apologised to the other individual at the screening. If I’d been a bit more prompt about seeing this, perhaps I could have spared him the ticket price by getting my review out into the world earlier. That’s a burden I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. It’s too late for him, but you have a chance and hope of avoiding his fate. Do not go and see The Exorcism.
(Originally published at Medium.)
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"Every so often, I see a film that reminds me why I fell in love with cinema. These magical, captivating, immersive movies are euphoric like nothing else. I leave the screen on cloud nine, having laughed, wept, or been provoked to thought, rage, terror, rapt admiration, or sheer exhilaration.
The Exorcism is not one of those films."
Damn- you slayed it.